Exploring The Energy Behind Symptoms

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I painted this when I was young, maybe close to 10-12 years old. It happened sparatically after my grandmother lead me through the sensations I was experiencing. She practiced and used to receive Reiki. As an adult, I would describe it as a Shamanic experience or vision quest.

I had a high fever from the flu. This painting is a rendering of how the energy felt in my body at the time. This painting is special to me, as it marks my first experience being aware of the subtle energies related to sickness that can be felt as “densities” in the energy system.

This has led me to ask more questions about the universe, humanity and sickness as I grew up. I eventually learned that this was a form of remote viewing. The data is contextual and hyperdimensional. We gain access to this subtle flirting with our conciousness when we clear our minds of the constriction held there.

It was a defining moment for me, as my grandmother encouraged me to explore the fear there instead of resigning from it. This has formed the basis for my awareness practice. It also brought me to a new understanding of disease and trauma.

When I look at this painting today, it clearly resembles an aomeba-like form. The colors were intended to be a muddy, redish brown to resemble the congestion and heat I was experiencing.

There was another energetic “form” I was experiencing, that I am well aware of even today if I get sick. It felt like a heavy weight that consumed my whole body. Even at that age, I compared it to a massive mound of clay that was dumped on top of me, weighing me down. Pushing against this clay resulted in resistance – the resistance to my healing.

As my grandmother was leading me through this Shamanic passage into higher awareness, I began exploring that dense pressure instead of fighting it.

This experience may have helps the sickness clear up. That part I do not remember. However, the event struck a realization in me that had to be documented. Even as this watercolor painting was in process, I was feeling those sense energies in my body, even after I was well. The process enlivened me.

What do you see in the painting?
Do you ever just stop and feel?

Joey Esposito – Bioenergist

Confronting Resistance

I would like to share a story to provide some insight into how I gain awareness through my psychic intuition, and how the manifestation of symbolic archetypes play a role…

So.. Monday night I was up late and just before bed, I had a thought flash into my head. It’s always random, maybe peculiar at times and typically I’m not aware of what it means until it is manifest in the physical.

I was remembering a scene from the movie “Signs” (symbolic much?) when Mel Gibson confronts his wife, who is pinned to a tree by a car. The pressure was keeping her alive long enough for them to speak. As a result, he lost his faith in God for taking his wife away.

Remembering this particular scene was a bit odd and morbid but, I began some self inquiry. It was showing up for some awareness to be gained. So I began pondering..

If I knew I was going to die, who would I desire to speak with and why? How would they handle losing me? How would they receive me when I have no choice?

This aspect of being “pinned down”..
How would it feel to be restrained?
Where am I restrained in my life?

This obviously kept me up for some time. I decided to set my alarm to wake me up to something positive, so I chose the song, “It’s A Beautiful Morning” by The Rascals.

Upon waking, I remembered how weird it was to have that thought out of nowhere, but I carried on with my day. I disconnected from obsessing over it (this is important) as I had work to do.

My Moralz EP was supposed to be mastered by now, but my engineer flaked and I was having an emotional upset over it. The overlay to these feelings was:

“I can’t get anything done unless I do it myself! Why won’t anyone help me? Is anyone hearing me? It seems I can’t count on anyone!”

This was the energy, or the measurement I was taking, about myself at the start of the day. Not to be bothered, I had some coffee and procrastinated a bit before deciding to head out to lunch on my skateboard.

I skated 3 blocks up to my corner about to make a right on Venice, when the Archetype appeared..

A girl with no legs, also riding a skateboard! She was pushing her self with her hands.

She was going the same direction as me and the whole time I’m skating behind her, I was gaining an awareness of everything I needed to learn and accept in order to move on from my procrastination.

First thing I noticed was the obvious..

Last night’s obsession wasn’t so much about the fear of death as much as it was about lack of motility due to uncontrollable circumstances.

I began feeling guilty for having legs when she didn’t, and so I kept behind her until I reached Lincoln blvd. I wouldn’t skate past her as I felt this would make her upset.

The awareness gained there was..

Only we are responsible for how we move through periods of difficulty and we are not responsible for how others view their own.

Here’s this girl who makes it out of her house with no legs and still gets on a skateboard, while I’m sitting around my house feeling bad about someone else’s behavior, ultimately getting in the way of my progress when I still have complete mobility in my body.

The legs in the body represent motor action – putting our passion to work. This is why my higher self was resonating with a disconnect from the lower half of the body. This may also be connected to my desire to have a supportive female counterpart in love and sex.

I realized, yet again, that the monkey mind will have you perusing thoughts of self annhiliation before it let’s you continue with your work. You’d convince yourself its better to die than reveal your true nature.

Resistance stems from a fear of exposure… How will I be judged once my art is exposed? I thought of the Christ Archetype as a resonator regarding this fact: To radiate your truth regardless of what the circumstances are.

A true artist is present to the processional aspects of life and endulges in the joy of capturing the present moment. This is also the process of self awareness. This I learned from adopting the Buddha nature and practicing Tonglen (present moment awareness).

It IS how it IS because it IS!

I can make excuses why I am keeping myself from my work and blame others, or I can listen to the message brought forth by the Archetype, the girl with no legs..

How I percieve my life is how it will be and I am the only one responsible for that disposition. How others perceive me is of no importance. Their reaction to me is an awareness of themselves, as it is for me.

The best any of us can do, is show up to the circumstances of life and be authentic to it.

And So It Is!

Alas, I went home feeling inspired and mastered 4 tracks in 5 hours. This is something I could have completed a month ago, had I not given into my resistance by letting someone else take me for a ride. And while I have a life to live, its probably best I live it for myself then for the approval of others.

Keep on skating!

Joey Esposito – Bioenergist